Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Scardy pants

So I got home today after youth group, and the only words that have floated through my fantastical brain are "I'm counting on, I'm counting on God." I don't know if it's because that's one heck of a catchy song, or if it's because the Holy Spirit is trying to get it through my head to rely on God.

Well, it's working.

I've developed this fear lately. A fear that I'm not sure I necessarily want to admit, but I'm going to anyway.

I am terriblyinexcusably, and sincerely afraid of college.

I'm more afraid of college than I am of going half way across the world for three months. You see, with certain things, like most normal (or abnormal, depending on how you look at it) human beings, I don't like change. It makes me worry and it makes me uncomfortable. If I had a pencil right now, there would be teeth marks in it.

But here's the thing.

Recently, I've had a strange wanting to go to Clearwater Christian College. I don't know why, but I have. And I know I would get a great education and I'd have a lot of fun with the people around me. I know there are a lot of rules, but I figured out later today, that's it's not those things that I'm worried about.

College just scares me. It means I'm considered an adult. It means I am given more responsibility. It means I have to make decisions without anyone else holding my hand. It means I need to fully rely on God. I tend to be a little (okay, a lot) on the independent side of things, and leaning on God instead of myself is a hard thing to do. It makes me nervous to think that I don't really have control over my life... not that I did in the first place.

All of this to say, I guess I want to encourage you. As I try and lean more on God, I want you to try to do the same. Whether it's with school, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, or with home situations, or anything else that you might think of. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to trust in God with all of your heart and to not rely on yourself; look to him for everything and he'll guide you.

peace, love, and counting on God
kaeli

2 comments:

Loren Fay. said...

Writen with true passion. Lovely, indeed.

This is word for work how I felt before I started college. SPC or not, I had a whole new life coming at me. I was allowed to do things now, since I had just gotten a car liek 3 weeks before college started(which i wasnt able to drive for a while, since I broke my left ankle & right dislocated my knee tripping over at a movie theater, & was wearing a cast & an imoblizer haha!).. but that was so hard. but like scary fun. being in this new enviroment is just going to be that much better. specially surrounded by christians in a foreign country. ur gonna meet LOADSSS of awesome cool people that are gonna be feeling the very same thing & experiancing it along with u, so ur all gonna be taking these new and bold steps together. theyre stranger as of now, since u dont even know who ur room mate is(which blows lol), but theyre gonna be all great people, im sure. & im pretty excited for you :)

Kenneth said...

aw. I can see where you are coming from. Once you are so far away from home it may even get worse. but like you said, rely on God.