Sunday, February 21, 2010

Temporary disconnection

Lately, I've just been in a sort of funk. A funky kind of funk. And I definitely don't like it. I really want to just find an isolated beach and camp out there by myself for a few days with just my guitar, journal, and bible. I just want to spend some serious alone-time with God. Have you ever wanted that? To just get away from every distraction and "the norm" of every day life to chill with God? That's what I desperately want to do. There are some things that I need to mull over with Him and I can't do it with all this "stuff" around me.

This is one thing I definitely miss about Sweden*. Holsby was surrounded by forests and hills and it was so easy to just go somewhere and spend some time alone with God, or even rent out camping equipment and be alone for a few days and then go back to the dorms completely refreshed and renewed. That's what I want to do. But I feel like I can't. It's illegal to sleep on the beach for days at a time. I don't have camping stuff. I'd have to call off work or skip classes to make the time.

I need to disconnect - from technology, from friends, from family, from anything else that might distract me - temporarily so I can let God refresh me.

I don't know if I'm just venting, or if I'm asking for suggestions on what to do, but feel free to voice your opinion.

peace, love, and rockets.

*I know I talk about Sweden a lot, but I'm not going to apologize for it, in case you're tired of hearing about it. It was a monumental time in my life and it still affects me today. I am still growing through it and because of it. I hope that one day you can experience something like what I did.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hair cut

Today I realized that I really do change my hair a lot. Here are some examples:

And those are just a few examples.

Well, today I'm going in for a hair cut. Not anything major, just to add some layers here and there. And then hopefully soon I'm going to get it dyed again because the color has already faded.

Random blog, I know, but this is what was on my mind.

peace, love, and rockets.
kaeli chameleon

Monday, February 15, 2010

Normalcy's not my style

Have you ever been going through a normal day in your somewhat normal life and encountered a normal situation in which you would normally know how to react? Yeah, I haven't either. But what I can tell you is that God has definitely been changing my heart and working in my life. I wish I could put it into words that give Him enough credit, but I really don't know how.

God has been using things that I've done in my past that I am so ashamed of, for things that are so incredible.

Recently, we have started doing D-Groups (devotion groups) in youth group and I am helping Brittany lead the high school girls' D-Group. These girls are dealing with things that I dealt with when I was in high school and God has been opening doors and using me as a vessel in this wonderful group of girls. And that is only one example.

I hope that you see a change in me so I don't have to fail at an attempt to describe it. I am nowhere near perfect, but neither were the people Jesus used in His ministry.

peace, love, and rockets.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Time and time again

I wrote this little poem while I was at Holsby, and I just found it today, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Written on April 22, 2009.

Glance at the past but do not hold onto
the fact that you have let it control you.
There is still time for you to change your mind,
this burning agony of feeling fine.
The present is what you want it to be:
a thought, a smile, a move makes history,
though what you do now may not only be
faded action turned to memory.
The future is what keeps us going on,
with hope that what is now will soon be gone.
Look forward with a mindset of the Truth
and let it affect everything you do.

peace, love, and rockets.

Friday, February 12, 2010


So my last post was about things that I (probably like but still) think they are overrated, and today's post will be about things that I (probably like but) think they don't get enough credit. So here's to the underdogs:


Hot dogs
Hemp bracelets
Songs actually written by the people that sing them
Fruit Strip Gum (the zebra... you know)
Independent coffee shops
Inexpensive clothes
Natural beauty
Intelligent conversations
Flight of the Conchords
Mix CDs
Handwritten letters
Talking on the phone
Clothes lines
Comic books
Polaroid cameras

Feel free to add to it.

peace, love, and rockets.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


I made a list of overrated things back in 2008, but I feel like some stuff should be taken off, others added to it. So here it is:


Tootsie Rolls
Prank calls
Bad habits
Plastic Surgery
"I know you are but what am I?"
Apple products
Reality TV
Golf on TV
Fast food
Songs on the radio
Quantum Physics
Florida Gators
Vitamin Water
Webster's Dictionary
Gibson guitars
Small phones
Dr. Phil
Social Security
Celebrity relationships
Award ceremonies
Health supplements
The Sims
Ex Mickey Mouse Club members
Tight clothes
Global warming
Freshly squeezed juice
Donald Trump
Tom Cruise
Star Trek
Grape Jelly
High School
Ranch dressing
Speech class
Lady Gaga
American Idol

Feel free to add your thoughts to my list.

peace, love, and rockets.
kay leer ick hardy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Fresh air

Over the last few months, my life has been, for lack of a less cliche analogy, like a roller coaster. There have been moments when I have never laughed louder, and moments when I have never cried harder. What I have discovered is that in the midst of things, it always seems worse than it really is, and at times it can feel as though there is no hope. But then a door is kicked down and some fresh air filters in, and now things aren't as bad as they were. My problems may not be resolved, but at least I can think a little clearer now.

peace, love, and rockets.
kaeli bear

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Storm

One year ago, today, I was in the computer room at Holsby checking facebook after church, when I got the message from Kaydee that Jonathan had passed away. From there, I experienced the most difficult few months of my life, in which God helped me to eventually be able to choose to be joyful in the situation. I still missed him like crazy, but I was able to worship God and know that I'd see Sennit again.

Shortly after I got home from Sweden, I had to deal with being in familiar surroundings without Jonathan. It was like I was reliving everything I had gone through in Sweden, while most everyone else had started to move on. Again, God has used such a major tragedy to bring glory to Himself. Honestly, I am awestruck.

Last night, a few people (Ben, Kenny, Cara, Tiffany, Philip, and myself) got together and celebrated the life that Sennit had here with us. We played some praise and worship songs, told stories, and a few of us did some major crying. It was a bittersweet night, all in all.

Many of you probably don't know this, but I decided a few weeks ago to start being a vegetarian on February 7, 2010. Three reasons:

1) It's something different
2) It will encourage me to eat healthier
3) In honor of Sennit

I am a vegetarian now, for at least a year, and I know it's going to be difficult. The way I'm looking at it, it's sort of like a constant fast from meat, in a way.

Needless to say, dealing with all of this is still hard for me at times, but I'm definitely trying to find ways to praise God through to the end.

peace, love, and rockets.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

An Ordinary Title

Lately I have been trying to wrap my mind around "hope." What is hope?

The Dictionary widget on the dashboard of my Macbook describes it as:
-"a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen"
-"a person or thing that may help save someone
-"grounds for believing that something good may happen
-"a feeling of trust"

I was going to go all philosophical on you, but it is currently 1:42 am, and I'm too tired for that. I'll just skip to what I think hope is.

If you were to combine the last two aforementioned definitions of the word "hope," I think you would have my answer. Hope isn't just having a belief that something good will happen, but it is trusting that something good will happen. And to me, that is almost like expecting it to happen, but in a good way.

To be honest, I have no idea if this post makes any sense at all. But to be even more honest, I didn't write this for you guys. I wrote it for me, to help me think through some things. But I hope you all enjoyed it anyway. Feel free to comment with what hope means to you.

peace, love, and rockets.

Monday, February 1, 2010

September 25th

First off, let me say, "Hellooooooooo 2010!"

I apologize, yet again, for my lack of blogging. For those of you that still follow me/check my blog every now and then, thank you for sticking with me. For those of you who used to follow me, but not so much anymore, hakuna matata.

September 25, 2009 was when I originally wrote this... I just never got around to posting it on here. But that changes today! Please continue reading:

"I went to school in Europe for a year after I graduated high school. Leaving my friends and family, and the friends that felt like family, was more difficult than I was expecting. I knew it was going to be difficult to stay in touch, and I knew that my friends and I were all going to grow, but in different directions.

"It's true. All of that is true. I changed a lot that year, and so did my friends. I lost touch with a lot of them, but God challenged me in ways He wouldn't have been able to had I not left. And although it really sucks that some of this was necessary, I'm glad it happened.

"Coming home was probably the most difficult. I am still having a hard time reconnecting with people. It's almost like we act like we still know each other in hopes that it will be true eventually. On the other hand, I am much better friends with people that were not more than just acquaintances before.

"I have realized my relationship with God is a continuous work in progress. I used to expect my spiritual growth to just happen when I was feeling good, but it doesn't. It happens when you are at your lowest points, when you can't dig any deeper, when you can't fall any faster...

...and that's when God stretches out His hand and catches you."

peace, love, and rockets.

Ps. I love you all so much, and thank you guys for sticking with me, no matter how frustrating I can be some(allthe)time(s). You guys are a big part of why I am who I am right now. So, thank you.