Fear of Blogging

Ok, so I'm not exactly afraid of posting my thoughts. I was just trying to be creative with a blog title. I've realized that nine out of ten blog titles don't actually go with my blog. I think I subconsciously do that on purpose.

Last night was my last Alive before I head off to Sweden. Tonight was my last Pipeline. I am overwhelmed with mixed emotions; what with Sennit, Kenny's family, me leaving the country, and now Sayra's situation. My heart aches for all of these people that are dealing with cancer or deaths in the family. Know that I'm praying for you guys. Keep lookin' up.

So today is Wednesday. I leave for Sweden on Friday. Kind of a scary thought. It didn't really hit me how far away I was actually going until I was on the phone with Cory tonight. He doesn't really like the fact that I'll be so far away, but he's trying to support me, and I appreciate that. It was after that thought crossed my mind that I realized how much I'm going to miss everyone. So I thought I'd write some notes for people. If you know they don't read my blog, please get it to them somehow. Thanks.

Loren,

It's been so awesome getting to know you over the past few weeks. I love the fact that you're from England and how you still have the accent. I'm fascinated by it. I'm going to miss you a lot when I leave, but I'll still be able to check email and whatnot, so feel free to say hey. I know what you're going through is tough, and if you check my comment on your other blog, you'll see what I mean by that. I love you, and I'll send you pictures from Sweden so you can do cool stuff to them =)

Alyson,

It's bad when you're bigger than the ice cream truck. We need to read that book! Haha, I love your purple pants. I'm glad we got to go shopping together so I could convince you to get them. I'm glad you're coming to see me tomorrow because I'm going to miss you a lot. I have loved hanging out with you and being your Bud E. I'm not going to say goodbye because I'm not going to be gone that long, so don't be sad. You have been such an encouragement to me since the day I met you. You are upbeat joyful, and that rubs off on the people around you. Thanks for being someone I can always lean on when I don't know what to do, or if I just need to vent. Love you!

Brittany,

I love that we've been meeting together the past few weeks to just get to know each other better. It's really helped me get a different view on some things that we've talked about. Thank you for being so trustworthy. Sorry we couldn't meet this week, although I really wish we could've. We will just have to continue with it when I get back! See you soon.

Jahid, Hamee, and Karam,

I love you guys so much. You are like my younger siblings. I love how we can goof off with each other and just have fun. Thank you for being so accepting of me. I'm really going to miss hearing one of Jahid's inventions, Hamee's snide remarks, and playing the HSM2 game with Karam. You guys mean so much to me. See you when I get back.

Kaydee,

SISSSSSTERRRRR! Ah, what more can I say? So I pretty much love the fact that I can relate to you so easily. I love how we have so many inside jokes, but can't remember one of them. Thanks for being my tubing buddy, even though I hit you off one of those times. But it was fun doing cartwheels across the water with you. I don't know if you realize this, but I look up to you in a lot of ways. Sometimes, you can approach situations a lot more mature than I can. You're always open to hearing other people's opinions about things, even though you may act like you don't want to, you still listen and consider them. Thank you for putting up with me, even though I can be completely and utterly annoying - just like a little sister. You mean a lot to me and don't take that lightly. You have kind of stepped up as my best friend in my book. I know you're dealing with a lot, but know that I'll always be here for you, even if I'm on the other side of the world. Don't ever hesitate to email me or something. I love you sister!

Cory,

I don't even know where to start. You are such a blessing to me. Beth saw it coming, but I had no idea that we would actually end up together. I thank God for you every day. The thing is, we've argued and taken our frustration out on each other and then we've had great days where nothing went wrong. But at the end of every day, you still remind me that you love me, just to make sure I know. Thank you for supporting me even though it's been hard for you. I know it has, and it means so much that you still want me to do what I think I need to do. Thank you for encouraging me from the very beginning, even if you don't think you did a good job, you have. Thank you for putting God first in our relationship and being the spiritual leader of it. You are truly a great guy, and I'm just a lucky girl. Thank you for everything you've given me and done for me. I miss you, baby.

Beth,

Ok, I know I have a biological mother that I live with and who takes care of me, but thanks for being my other mom. Thank you for relating to me from the very beginning. Thank you for treating me like one of your own kids and taking me in. I've known you for four years now and through all four of those years, you've been there for me through it all. I've been through some of my toughest times with you always available to talk or to listen. Thank you for helping me face my fears and reminding me I'm not alone in this world. Thank you for loving me and dealing with me when I complain or when I'm completely thrilled and can't shut up. Thanks for buying me a tray so my food won't touch. Thanks for pushing me to step up in my faith and to step up in leadership. I'm glad you did. Thank you for including me in your life. Thank you for letting me come over and watch Psych on Friday nights, and for staying up with me to play Rock Band, even when you're exhausted. Thank you for getting on my case when I need a swift kick in the pants. Thank you for cheering me on in everything I do. I miss you and I love you, mom.

JJ,

Golly. I hope I don't cry. So I have this ringtone for you. Every time you call me, "Cinderella" by SCC plays on my phone. My dad certainly hasn't been there for me most of my life and it's torn me apart in many ways. I thought I would never have anyone to look up to like I look up to you. Thank you for acting as the father figure in my life. You have seen me be the happiest I could be, and you've seen me completely fall apart before your eyes. You've seen me at my highest points and my lowest. You've shown me what having a dad can be like. And, right on cue, the tears start falling. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me like a daughter, and treating me as such. Thank you for thinking of me and praying for me. Having you and Beth in my life is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and I hope you two realize that. Thank you for believing in me and helping me move forward in my walk. Thank you for reflecting God in everything you do, in every decision you make. Thank you so much for accepting me and encouraging me to be who I am. I love you, dad.

peace, love, and sappy notes.

kaeli