Saturday, June 22, 2013


So here I am, dealing with another bout of depression.

It usually beings when I get "too busy" to spend time with God and then little things become big things and things matter that shouldn't and things don't matter that should. Happiness is so fleeting and joy seems too far away. Freedom is buried because you keep allowing things to dig deep and push you further in. Friends feel like they don't want to be friends anymore and everything is hanging from your own actions or words and if you mess up, it will all fall apart.

I really need someone to disciple me and I need someone to disciple.

My love language is quality time, followed closely by physical touch. In other words, I feel the most loved when people seek me out to spend time with me or when they take our plans seriously. So it really hurts when I make plans with someone or a group of people and then they flake or forget we made plans. It also hurts when everything thinks I have been informed about something when really no one has kept me in the loop (even when I ask) and because of everyone's assumptions, I end up being left out. Normally I could get over it pretty quickly, but when I am in this state of mind - this selfish, shitty, dark, lonely state of mind - everything hits harder and hurts deeper.

I need Jesus.


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