This is a question a very dear friend of mine asked me, and it is a very complex question. I decided to post it on here because I thought it might be of use to some of you. Maybe you've asked a question like this before. I have made some changes to her question so as to keep her identity between her and myself:
I write you because you might be able to relate to what I need prayer about. I have felt the last couple of days that God wants me to ask Him to break me. To break me so that I can experience His incomparable love for me. I know that you asked for that in Sweden, and then Sennit went to heaven... So I know that you know the pain that follows that question, "Can you break me?" I am scared because I feel that if I ask God to do it, then it will have something to do with [my boyfriend]. I know that God's love for me is much greater than [his], so why am I scared? I don't feel like I am ready to let go of [him]. I guess I never can be. My problem is that I dont WANT to let go!
Please pray for me... I dont know if I made any sense at all but I have to go now.... I love you. Thank you for being you.
Love, [a dear friend]
In Sweden, I did ask for God to break me. But I, unlike you, was unaware of the pain that would accompany the question. I cannot deny that it was unbearable at times. I was not ready to let go of Jonathan, and I was definitely not prepared for it. However, God has a way of working things out. After the main portion of my grieving, I was given a joy so indescribable, it could only come from the One True God. Through my time of brokenness, He was restoring me, putting me back together, molding me, all because I was clinging to Him. I asked Him to break me because I knew that my relationship with Him was suffering. God took Sennit home, and the only thing I could do was put all my weight on Him. I didn't want to let go of Jonathan, but I didn't have him to hold onto anymore, I only had Jesus, which ended up being way better than I expected.
My question for you is if you don't want to let go, are you putting your relationship with [your boyfriend] above your relationship with God? It may be that you didn't even realize you were doing that. The thing is, when we ask God to do something like break us down completely, we are asking Him to rearrange our lives to better suit His purposes and His glory. It's going to hurt, but I can assure you that the end result is totally worth it.
Your relationship with [your boyfriend] is something you're going to have to trust God with. Allow Him to do with it as He wills, not as you will.
As always, I will be praying for you, sister. I love you.