Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Day Sixteen

We played pretty well this morning, which was pretty encouraging. It's hard to get used to playing with a new set of people, but it wasn't too horrible. The speaker was Jesse's dad and he talked about trusting in God - something I'm finding particularly difficult lately. I'm basically just being a pansy, for lack of a better word.
It was sort of rainy today after lunch, and it got a little colder, so because of the weather, no one was outside. I got my guitar and went out to the pavilion to just pour my heart out to God. I've been thinking about Sennit lately and I'm worried, to say the least. That's really all I can say right now about that without tearing up. Also, my relationship wth my dad sucks, so that's pretty fantastic. I've noticed I have a really hard time trusting guys that I look up to as father figures. I am so apt to open up to their wives or other adult women (Heidi, Coral, Beth), but when it comes to my "dads" it's just difficult to be open. It's even hard to me to open up to JJ sometimes, for fear that he might treat me like my dad has - even though I KNOW that's not true.
I have a hard time calling God my Father, as stupid as that seems. I don't really know what to do about all this.


For family groups tonight my family and Joel's family got together for a fantastical slip 'n slide event. It was so cold, but thankfully, that water from the hose was insanely warm. We ended up getting dirty and the dirt ended up getting muddy, so it evolved into a mud fight. That was pretty fun. Then we got cleaned off and ate, drank, and were merry. We watched another David Hasselhoff music video. Wow, he's a retard. Then I called Cory and it was great getting to hear his voice, as cheesy as that sounds. His birthday is coming up!

peace, love, and don't hassel the hoff.

1 comment:

uthpastorjj said...

Got your e-mail before the post, and I was like, "Uh-oh, what is she going to say?" Lol.

Anyway, no worries. I understand the dilemma. You know how I would respond, yet you don't feel it. So many times (most often because of hurt) our feelings outweigh our knowledge (or worse yet our convictions).

It's a challenge, as all of us move forward. We've all been hurt, so we have to relearn to trust. Not easy, and trust me, we adults don't have it all together. But so worth it in the end.