Thoughts scribbled on a piece of paper

It's been a long time since I have written here. I do have another blog, but I always feel like I can't say what I'm trying to say for fear of it being interpreted in the wrong way. I've never thought that about this blog. So I am going to utilize this space.

I am having a hard time knowing what I want to or am supposed to do with my life. Specifically, I mean. I don't know if it's because everything right now feels impossible and so far out of reach, or that I feel like I don't have skills to do something. Truthfully, I don't even know what I really want to do. Not even deep down. I mean, I want my life to be worthy of my calling, a life giving glory to God, but what does that look like in the day-to-day? In the long term?

The closer I get to this group of friends, the less real it feels.

How can my heart be changed when it's been set for so long? But what if I'm wrong?

I want to go to Alaska.

I want to lose fifty pounds.

I want to not be allergic to anything.

I want to stop being selfish.

I don't want to be here.

Grace and peace.

kaeli