Monster, pt. 2

If I could sleep the day away

My dreams would provide some escape

From a painted reality

To what's really inside of me

I passed you on the street

Choking on words stifled behind my teeth

My smile, acting as a disguise

Unable to reflect my inward demise

This suffocating "day-to-day" is wasting away

To something smaller than rot and decay

If you could see through the surface

You'd be the only one

To know what you're really dealing with

The monster I've become

Useless Information

Here is a list of 100 things you may or may not know about me. I did this a few years ago, but some of them have changed.

Enjoy, or dont...

1. I love rain
2. I am afraid of growing old
3. I know what to do with my life, but don't know where to start
4. I want to learn to box
5. I played "Midget Mustang" basketball
6. My mom helped me learn how to play the flute
7. I used to prank call all the time
8. I go on Facebook almost every day I'm near a computer
9. I now have a desire to read my bible
10. My first real job was my worst job
11. I want to learn how to ride a street bike
12. I love olives
13. San Diego is my favorite city in the western half of the US
14. Black Mountain is my favorite town in the eastern half of the US
15. I've always wanted to surf but am too afraid of sharks
16. I like fishing, but not touching the bait or the fish
17. I can't wait to get out of Florida
18. I never knew either of my grandfathers
19. I played soccer in middle school
20. I have bad luck with guys
21. I had braces
22. I used to sleep with a piece of silk. I'd rub it and go right to sleep
23. I also used to sleep with two "blankies"
24. My tent had Barbie on it
25. I also had a Barbie sleeping bag
26. I used to build lego bases in blanket forts
27. My favorite movie is Hot Rod
28. I am addicted to Japanese food
29. I prefer coke to pepsi, but feel guilty after drinking one
30. I can't have my food touch other things on my plate, unless I think it goes togather
31. It has taken me about thirty minutes to get this far
32. I accomplish more in the hours before 10 am, and if I sleep past 10, I feel like the whole day is worthless
33. I love water
34. I prefer Figi water
35. I hate reality TV
36. I went through a huge plaid phase
37. I even bought plaid skirts, shirts, and pj's
38. My first job was bagging groceries
39. I miss having a dog
40. My hair has been at least ten different colors
41. I used to want to act (I still sort of do)
42. I think NyQuill tastes disgusting
43. My first pet was a hamster
44. I used to bite my nails all the time. I don't do that anymore
45. I have never lived alone
46. The oldest friend I have (we went to preschool together) is Caleb
47. I am somewhat okay at ping pong
48. The first movie I saw in a theatre (that I can remember) was Polly
49. I consider myself unique
50. I am a vegetarian
51. I love watching hockey
52. I really love watching soccer during the Fifa World Cup
53. If I was going to be a guy, my mom was going to name me Zach
54. I rarely get eight hours of sleep a night
55. I have several email addresses
56. My favorite cereal is Reese's Peanutbutter Puffs
57. Jim Carrey is one of my all time favorite actors
58. I love sushi
59. I wish I was on a flag football team
60. I hate golf
61. I love staying home and watching movies with all my friends shoved on my couch
62. My best friend died of cancer a year ago
63. I consider myself neither Democrat nor Republican, nor liberal or conservative
64. I would never vote for a person based solely on their political party
65. I wish that fried food was good for you, I would eat it every day
66. I consider myself a connoisseur of cheese sticks. I alternate each dip from marinara sauce to ranch dressing
67. I also love honey BBQ boneless buffalo wings from Applebee's
68. My mom makes some of the greatest food ever
69. I lived in Europe for a year
70. The worst movie I have ever seen was Balls of Fury
71. I hate humidity
72. I know all the words to a lot of my favorite movies
73. My sister and I used to watch the Mickey Mouse Club
74. We also used to eat cucumbers with vinegar (it's a pickle)
75. I often regret major purchases, soon after I buy them
76. I wish I would have never stopped taking piano lessons. I will probably be the sort of parent who makes their kid do that sort of thing
77. I don't mind sweating, as long as I can shower soon after
78. I did marching band for six years when I was in school
79. I am secretly jealous of Hayley Williams' voice and her writing ability
80. I say something at least once a day to get the response, "Are you serious?"
81. I am in fact, serious
82. I enjoy people-watching
83. I enjoy walking around by myself
84. My car is a stick shift. Most days I like it, sometimes I don't
85. I have never liked baseball
86. Most nights, I fall asleep watching something on Netflix
87. I can type 75 words per minute
88. My dream car is a restored '69 Dodge Charger
89. I hate money
90. My first bi racial crush was Jordan (Jeff's cousin)
91. I am against plastic surgery, for the most part
92. I want to excel in all things music
93. I have never owned a new car
94. I am thinking about going back to Sweden
95. I have wanted to be a "rock star" since I was ten
96. I truthfully don't always like who I am
97. I have only been in a minor car accident, and it wasn't my fault. Really
98. My favorite hockey player is Martin St. Louis (Lightning)
99. I don't play guitar as much as I would like to
100. I wish I was more athletic

peace, love, and more info than you probably wanted.

kaeli

Monster, pt. 1

My thoughts echo in this empty room

As my spine chills from my heart-shaped tomb

I dream to be awakened from this nightmare

Until then, my eyes stare

From far away to a world unknown

A place I long to call my home

I remain planted like a seed among thorns

Dry, choked out, and longing for more

My apologies are only apathy replaced

Attempting to fill this forgotten space

There's one way out, but no way in

If I leave, I'll never see this place again

My monster screams for me to stay

And so I leave with no delay

peace, love, and rockets.

kae ricc

Long Talks on the Beach

It is so refreshing when you get to hang out with a friend you haven't seen in a while, and nothing really changes in the friendship. Each person definitely grows in some way or another, but it's so nice when the actual friendship remains the same.

I got back (20 minutes ago) from a short road trip to Naples to visit one of the friends I made in Sweden. He's from Minnesota, but he was there looking to transfer from the hotel he works at now to the one in Naples. Anyway, he is one of those friends that you can be super honest with and have really deep conversations and there is no judging involved but at the same time you can joke around and goof off.

When I arrived, we went out and grabbed something to eat and then took a super long walk on the beach around sunset (sounds romantic, but trust me, it's definitely not like that). First we were just catching each other up on our lives, joking occasionally, and then we just started asking profound questions. It was a really refreshing conversation, yet challenging at the same time. Eventually we went back and watched season 2 of Flight of the Conchords, called it a night, and now I'm back home.

I am so very thankful for the friends I made while I was at Holsby, and I don't think I will ever lose those friendships I have made. God has really blessed me with those amazing people.

peace, love, and sandy feet.

kaeli

Stress Less(on)

It's funny that Beth wrote a blog about things in her life being crazy. Well, not funny that it's true, just funny that I am also writing about how my life is crazy. Not crazy for the same reasons, but still definitely insane and stressful.

Over the last few weeks I have been under so much stress it's ridiculous. I was sick, there was a ton of work to get done for Amp'd, self esteem issues, I got dropped from a class and hadn't told my mom yet, I had a speech to write, a good friend and I had a fight, to name a few. I realize that without knowing all the details of the aforementioned situations, it is difficult to see the amount of stress I was dealing with.

It felt like every time something in my life got resolved, life would throw another deplorable curveball my way.

But God came through in all of those. My cold (or whatever it is) is almost gone, Amp'd was awesome, my mom and I talked things through, my friend and I worked things out, and the speech went well. It's like He's trying to teach me to trust Him or something. Huh.

peace, love, and lessons.

kae

So Stressed Out That It's Soothing

Remember how I was talking about the drama I was working on?

Well, after much searching, I could not find a song that fit the idea I was going for so I decided to write a song for it. Knowing I couldn't do it alone, I asked Kenny if he would help. So I started to write the lyrics, then set it down for a while. Two days ago, I started to get super stressed about this whole Amp'd thing because it was a little over two weeks away, and the song still wasn't done, let alone choreographed. So I did what I should've done from the beginning...

I prayed.

Not ten minutes later, ideas for choreography were flooding my brain so I quickly jotted them down on paper. Then I read it over, and made some changes. Then I flipped over to where I had started writing the lyrics, and words just started pouring out of my hand that was controlling the pen. Soon enough, the lyrics were finished.

Later, I gave it all to Kenny and he worked on the music portion of it. I went over to his house yesterday to hear it, and honestly, this whole thing has been a work of God.

God just brought the whole thing together so nicely, and yes there are still a few small kinks to work out, but God was really teaching me not to get so worked up over everything.

I guess I'll leave you with a little bit of shameless advertising:

Friday April 9th at 6pm, the doors open for our night of worship at Feather Sound called Amp'd. There will be music, and of course, the drama. I think it will be an awesome night and would absolutely love it if you were there. Start spreading the news (or if your pet isn't housebroken, start spreading the newspaper).

peace, love, and rockets.

kaeli

The List

What do you want to do before you die?

1. Form a band and make it big

2. Sing onstage with Paramore

3. Visit all 50 States

4. Hike the Appalachian Trail

5. Learn to surf

6. Swim with dolphins

7. Read the entire Bible in under a year

8. Get straight A's

9. Meet the Queen of England

10. Get a poem published

11. Pay for someone's groceries

12. Adopt a child

13. Play onstage at Cornerstone

14. Learn how to fix cars

15. Be fluent in another language

16. Lead someone to Christ

17. Build a house

18. See all my friends from Holsby together again

19. Be a vegetarian for at least a year

20. Participate in a protest

21. Eat sushi with Andy Samberg

22. Get a story published on MLIA

23. Attend Comic-Con

24. Smash a guitar onstage

25. Go on a date with Zachary Levi

26. Go as long as I can without sleep

27. Work on the A-Team at Holsby for a summer

28. Compete in a swing dancing competition

29. Break out into a choreographed dance routine in a public place

30. Sing the national anthem at a Lightning Game

31. Fall in love

32. Ride a horse again

33. Go cliff jumping

34. Write a song with Matt Thiessen

35. Act on an SNL Digital Short with The Lonely Island Dudes

36. Make a huge donation to charity

37. Get something named after me

38. Street perform and make $100

39. Do a back flip

40. Help The Buried Life accomplish something on their list

41. Take a ride in a hot air balloon

42. Visit the set of Psych and hang with the actors

This is it so far. The list is still growing, but I thought I'd share what I have so far.

peace, love, and rockets.

kaeli